LISZT BUT NOT LEAST

I just got my brand new subscription to Sirius XM radio. I must say I am impressed. There are thirty-six rock and pop stations; there are twenty-four sports stations; there are twenty Spanish stations.

I spent the first week listening to 40s pops hits, the next week 50s, then 60s, etc. After listening through the decades I have now expanded my listening to different genres, of which there are many; last week it was R&B and this week it is Hip Hop. Next week it will be Classical. That’s where the problem is.

I checked the station guide and was surprised to find there are only two classical stations; one for symphonies and the other for opera. That’s it? Rock has one station called Margaritaville, dedicated entirely to Jimmy Buffet, another solely to the Grateful Dead; another for Springsteen. Isn’t there room for an all Beethoven station?

As I reviewed the station list I realized how important lists are. Shopping lists, laundry lists, playlists (Why is that only one word? Did someone’s space bar get jammed?), the ‘A’ list, countries on the terrorist list, countries just off the terrorist list. They all say something about the list maker.

I found a shopping list in the cereal aisle at Ralphs the other day: bacon, cake mix, sugar pops and coke. It wasn’t hard to find the unfortunate owner of that list. Especially since the paramedics arrived just around that time to help a seriously overweight and unhealthy looking gentleman one aisle over on the floor in the ice cream section. I guess he forgot to add that one to his list.

Cuba is on the terrorist list, a mystery since the last warhead was removed from that island in 1961. North Korea is not on the terrorist list. I suppose a country that possesses nuclear weapons and whose leader applies the death penalty to audience members who fall asleep during his speeches is not considered a threat. Iraq was on the terrorist list; then it wasn’t; then it was again; now it isn’t. So much for the bureaucrats running the State Department.

I once had a friend, Billy Beckmeier, whose playlist included Barry Manilow, Anne Murray and John Denver. I know he felt a little insulted when I suggested his list should come with a label: Warning Listening to this Music may cause Temporary Insanity.

Getting Sirius again, what does their station list say about their audience? It says there are lots of sports lovers, rock and rollers and Latinos; not many classical music aficionados. I understand Sirius has to cater to the masses; still I felt a little hurt knowing that Sirius thinks so little of classical music. On the other hand, I now recognize I belong to a very exclusive club; more exclusive than Kids Radio (3), Religion Radio (3), or Family & Health Radio (3).

Now, instead of feeling hurt when I turn on Metropolitan Opera, I will do it proudly, knowing that only a select few will join me. When I’m driving and Symphony Hall presents the Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto I will hum along with every melody, even as cars on either side pass me playing Nikki Minaj. When the sports addicts find every single talk station debating the penalty assessed to Tom Brady and his deflated footballs, I will cruise by whistling a Bach cantata.

There is something noble, honorable, resilient in having the courage to stand out from the crowd, march to the sound of a different drummer - even if the drummer is playing John Philip Sousa.

To honor those who take the risk of being different I ask Sirius Radio to go one step farther: Dare to create a genre with only one station. I propose it should be called Individua-list: the station for those who are unafraid to stand alone; devoted exclusively to the music of Lawrence Welk. And a one and a two and a….