NOT AS BAD AS HITLER

I went to Florida to visit my ninety nine year old Uncle Jack last week. World War II vet. Sharp as a tack. I love my Uncle Jack. He’s never short on opinions or long on introductions.

“So what war did we start this month?” he began.

“No, Uncle Jack. Bush isn’t president anymore. He’s been out of office almost eight years.” I should mention that Jack has a problem with short-term memory and by short term I mean anything this century is a blur. When he talks about the Wall Street debacle he means 1929.

“No, Obama hasn’t started any new wars, he just keeps on with the ones Bush started,” I continued.

“Now just which Bush are you talking about? I seem to remember there were two. Or was that the Roosevelts?

“You’re right, Uncle Jack. There were two, although for historical purposes we might as well pretend there was one. George the First, who went by the name George H.W. (I think there is also a D. or an S. or both) Bush, was an upper level bureaucrat. He was totally insignificant in American history except for his famous phrase ‘Read My Lips, No New Taxes,’ which caused him to lose the next election, and put him on the same pedestal as Herbert Hoover.

“Ah, Herbert Hoover!” he brightened. “I remember him. ‘A Chicken in Every Pot.’ That was his slogan. Seems like all the loser presidents come up with the best sayings.”

“You’re right again, Uncle Jack. But I’m sure you’ve forgotten the best saying of all: ‘Mission Accomplished’.”

“Wait. Let me guess. Was that Reagan after we invaded Grenada? Or Teddy Roosevelt at San Juan Hill?”

“No. That was George W. Bush, also known as Junior. He made that famous declaration after we invaded Iraq. You might have noticed that his words were a little premature. We’ve been “accomplishing” in Iraq for over a decade now. Meanwhile the country is destroyed, Afghanistan is run by the Taliban, Yemen is breaking apart, Pakistan is an ISIS training ground, Al Qaeda is everywhere, Iran is going nuclear, Syria is a war zone, Israel is forcing the Palestinians into the sea and Saudi Arabia is threatening everyone in the Middle East.”

“Wait a minute,” he interrupted, looking a bit battle weary. “I never heard of the Taliban, Al Qaeda or ISIS. Things aren’t that bad and you can’t blame Bush for everything. Besides, he’s not as bad as Hitler.”

Whenever Uncle Jack wanted to end a discussion he would always say he’s not as bad as Hitler. I remember once we were out to breakfast and my Aunt Florence called out the cook to complain about the pancakes. Florence liked her pancakes well done and the cook absorbed a severe tongue-lashing for serving gummy pancakes. Finally Uncle Jack took pity on the poor man and invoked his Hitler comparison. Aunt Florence was silent as the cook quickly departed, relieved and a bit confused. Whenever Uncle Jack came in after that, the cook always gave him free muffins.

As I went to bed that night I couldn’t help thinking about the legacies and achievements of our presidents. George Washington: Father of Our Country; Abraham Lincoln: He saved the Union; FDR: The New Deal; George W. Bush: Not as bad as Hitler.

I love my Uncle Jack.