LETTER FROM BOOFONK

Those of you who remember the visit from my Arkansas Uncle Clem this summer will be happy to read this letter he wrote to me. I have edited it for extraneous material but if anyone wants to know more about the riot at the Boofonk County Fair or would like Edna Wilson’s recipe for chitlins and eggs, please DM me.

LETTER FROM BOOFONK

Howdy nephew. I’ve been on my compooter readin’ the MB Patch about your city council election and gittin’ worried. Mighty close race for third place. I’m a hopin’ that ol’ law and order feller wins. He’s got people mighty sceered and ah know the locals’ll breathe a tad easier once they hire a lot more poh lice to catch all them surfboard thieves. I remember you sayin’ Manhattan Beach is known as the sunscreen stealin’ capital of the world so I don’t blame you folks fer being tough on crime.

But what you gonna do if the loser pertends he didn’t lose? You might end up havin’ a real uprising like we had here a few months ago right after the Boofonk County Fair…

I heerd them votin’ machines you been usin’ are made in some fern country full of comoonists and lots of people who don’t even know how to speak English. We don’t have that problem here in Boofonk. Course we only got 237 registered voters. Ain’t no need fer votin’ machines. Billy Ray Wilson counts every piece of paper hisself. Ain’t made a mistake that we know of since he started back in ’96. That was the time Billy Ray ran fer County Deputy and beat his brother, Billy Bob by three votes. Dern near split the whole town. Them wives still don’t speak to each other. What really did it was when Wanda Wilson accused Billy Ray’s wife, Edna of tryin’ to poison her. I still believe it’s just Edna’s bein’ a terrible cook….

Well I hope it all works out fer ya. If ya need any help on a recount Billy Ray kin’ probably do it. Jus’ don’t invite Edna.

Love y'all Uncle Clem