HIS JOB HER JOB HIJAB

Morris Feldman didn’t get the nickname Master of Marketing for nothing. When we were in college Morris was the first person ever to figure out the impossible situation known as the al Hasani dilemma. A man is starving in the desert and is approached by two merchants selling the same hummus and pita bread and charging the same price. It is based on a true story. The man, Salaam al Hasani, actually starved to death because he could not make a decision. Morris discovered the solution revolved around the fact that one of the merchants served the hummus with a side of couscous while the other served stuffed grape leaves.

That is the reason why I thought of Morris after reading the legal case about Abercrombie & Fitch being forced to hire a sales girl who wears a hijab, the Muslim women’s head scarf. Abercrombie claimed the scarf didn’t fit the image of their sales staff, which they described as East Coast Preppie. Morris immediately came up with a new marketing slogan “Abercrombie & Fitch: Where East Coast Preppie meets Middle East Casual.” You can see why Morris won the coveted Cal Worthington Award honoring the senior most likely to become a used car salesman.

When I first saw the headline Major Retailer Loses Supreme Court Case I felt uneasy. You see I’m a lululemon kind of guy. I know it’s a women’s store but I always feel comfortable going in there to get a gift card. They are forever friendly and fast: “How much would you like on the gift card, sir?” “Oh, I think $100.” “Would you like a bag with that?” The whole thing takes about two minutes; my kind of shopping. I like their bags, too. I also like the style of the salesgirls; I think they call it West Coast Preppie. I don’t really know the difference between East Coast Preppie and West Coast Preppie but I am pure West Coast – except for the Yankees. I’ll always be a Yankee fan. Occasionally I will have some New England clam chowder or Boston baked beans but aside from that I am totally West Coast. So when I found out the ruling went against A & F I was relieved.

I know I may be a little old fashioned but I don’t like hijabs on my salesgirls. I also don’t like yarmulkes on my salesmen. I went into a Macy’s the other day and the salesman was wearing a yarmulke. I commented on it and I also mentioned that I haven’t been to temple since my Bar Mitzvah. I think he was offended. I believe he purposely sold me a tie that clashed with my shirt.

While these kinds of cultural changes always affect me adversely, Morris looks at them as opportunities.

“Look at the possibilities,” he exclaimed. “Abercrombie will have the inside track on the retail Muslim market. It’s gonna be big.”

He started rattling off ad campaigns. ‘Check out the new Spring hijab colors at Abercrombie and Fitch.’ ‘And with summer just around the corner you’ll want to be in style with the newest A & F burqa.’ ‘Be the first in your mosque to sport an A & F niqab, with our logo tastefully designed for worship; (includes removable eye mesh for that special occasion.’)

I didn’t like his idea for making Abercrombie & Fitch the official sponsor of the pilgrimage to Mecca. However I do think there are marketing possibilities for the young students who attend religious schools known as madrasas, just not sure about the September Back-To-Madrasa Sale.

I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about the hijab. Even if it comes to lululemon I don’t think it will really bother me. I want to be part of the 21st century and I should applaud A & F and encourage lululemon to do the same.

I can imagine walking through the mall, intending to purchase a gift card. I stop in front of two stores, A & F on one side, lululemon on the other; a girl wearing a beautiful hijab is standing in front of both stores. I stand puzzled, frozen for a second, unable to choose, but then quickly ask:

“Which one of you sells couscous?”