A LESSON IN OXYMORONS

The dictionary describes an oxymoron as a phrase containing contradictory terms, derived from the Latin meaning pointedly foolish. The famous phrase “military intelligence” has long served as a pithy example. Another illustration would be “compassionate conservative.” For this lesson we will examine the oxymoronic term “Christian capitalist.” This term could also be used to provide an example of the definition of hypocrite, but we will attempt to keep our focus narrowly confine

In order to clearly illustrate the foolish and incongruous pairing of these two words we must define each word individually.

Libraries abound with books written about Christianity, its laws, precepts, philosophy and rituals. Yet certain phrases always arise to illuminate the basic tenets: Do Unto Others as You would have them Do Unto You, Turn the Other Cheek, The Golden Rule, Love Thy Neighbor, To Err is Human to Forgive Divine. All refer to the essence of Christianity.

On the other hand a capitalist represents a philosophy that is described by phrases such as Dog eat Dog, The Bottom Line, Cutthroat Competition, Read the Fine Print, Caveat Emptor, and other warnings about the nature of a truly unforgiving economic system.

Clearly these two terms are polar opposites, thus confirming the foolishness of combining the two. What then can be said about the civic and political leaders who painfully and desperately attempt to wed these two words? It’s a bit like trying to fit into a pair of shoes three sizes too small. Chris Christie in size 32 narrow Levis.

So why do individuals who espouse such a beautiful, ethical and altruistic belief conflate their ideas with a system so antithetical? It turns out that the answer is quite simple. Just as food processors add a little artificial color to food to make it more appetizing, so the modern day capitalist cloaks his dark side under the veil of Christianity. A century ago the shield was called Manifest Destiny. Regardless the form of deception, A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing would best describe these fraudsters; the wolf looks just as incongruous in his outfit as the capitalist does in his.

If there were honest Christian capitalists (a further oxymoron) they would admit that there actually is a moral imperative that accords much more closely with capitalism and that is Darwinism, a system most often summed up by the phrase Survival of the Fittest; this is the essence of capitalism. What could be a more natural and consonant description of their philosophy than Darwinist capitalism? Yet this theory, best suited for capitalist pseudo-Christians is the one they so often vilify and deny. Darwinism denies the Creator, the merciful God. It is heresy, they complain; this despite the fact that their everyday unsung mantra is Nice Guys Finish Last. A more appropriate refrain for these ethically and morally alienated individuals is You Can’t Have your Cake and Eat it Too.

Capitalism is simply economic Darwinism; natural selection as practiced in the open market. But since this can’t be reconciled with Christianity the result is a schizophrenic reaction both absurd and repressed. Modern day corporations euphemistically speak of “externalities” when referring to the human suffering and environmental damage resulting from obscene profit making. The present day purveyors of perversity are not small time X-rated movie producers but multinational corporations piloted by individuals suffering many of the symptoms of the sociopath while still clinging to their economic-religious concoction.

Their disintegrated morality requires them to embrace the religion exactly opposite to their everyday practice, forcing them to publicly and ostentatiously reject Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, which they so assiduously practice from 9 to 5. Darwin might have been the 19th century Gordon Gekko, Wall Street tycoon famous for boasting Greed is Good. I’m not sure if Darwin would object to the characterization.

As another solution to the conundrum faced by Christians who truly want to be Christians first, one need only look to that far off and untamed region of the world known as Europe, land of socialism. Socialists often make up the majority party in European countries. The sonorous sounding term Christian Socialist begs to be heard yet it is a term scorned and impossible to find in this bible-driven land of faux opportunity.

Socialism is best described using phrases like From Each according to his Ability, To Each according to his Need, Share the Wealth, Strength in Unity, All for One and One for All. Yet this philosophy, which so closely correlates with their spiritual beliefs, is the idea they most revile and fear.

The ability to hold and practice diametrically opposite ideas is a testament to the power and complexity of the human mind. Some people describe this practice as doublethink, a term coined by George Orwell. Psychologists use the term cognitive dissonance. The difference is that in cognitive dissonance the subject is acutely aware of the problem and often suffers mental illness resulting in injury to self and others; doublethink victims are unaware of the contradictions they hold. In the case of the Christian capitalists, I am sure that after learning this lesson the victims of cognitive dissonance can now begin the process of disabusing themselves of their suffering. Unfortunately the victims of doublethink will be required to take further lessons in the art of the oxymoron.

In the following weeks I will be discussing the pros and cons of healthy soul food and some of the unique problems facing God-fearing atheists.